"You make the world a better place."
Constantly reading this has stirred me, I have felt numb and confused. I read it and don't believe it. So I've sat down with the demon inside my mind, the demon that says to me, "You don't make any difference in this world", "You are useless", "You don't deserve friends like these", "You are not good enough".
So I asked the demon, "What is it that you want from me?"
It answered "To just end it. It's easier that way."
I answered, "Ok, what if I don't?"
It answered, "If you don't, I will continue to be here, a shadow that will rise and rise to cover you in complete darkness."
I answered, "Ok, so what if I was to glow in the darkness to help you see?"
It answered, "To help me see?"
I answered, "Yes, to help you see that you are a part of me, and I am a part of you. Without dark there is no light, remember? So, if I end it then that means you leave with me too...
Would you still like me to end it?"
It answered, "Hmm, ok, that is somewhat true, ending it could be proven a lot harder than I thought... I just wish you would listen to me."
I answered, "I am listening now, what is it you want to share with me?"
It answered, "As a demon I don't feel I am accepted here, I become the pain, the emptiness, the fear, and I am almost always shoved away, ignored and forgotten about. Until I grow bigger and darker, that's when you crumble and finally hear me."
I answered, "Please forgive me, I am sorry for ignoring you, for shoving you away, for not accepting you as you are, is there anything you need from me?"
It answered, "I just want to be heard, loved, accepted for who I am, hugged, and forgiven for my dark ways of being."
I answered, "Ok, well, can we work on this together? If we both have to be here, then we may as well make it somewhat comfortable for each other, right?"
It answered, "I guess so."
With that the darkness still sits with me, it shows me the shadows of the past and the fears of the future. And I bring my understanding and learnings into the light of the present moment. Together we create poetry, song and sound. It's not easy being friends with each other sometimes, but it will do for now.
Nothing lasts forever. So make the most of it now. It is fear that makes me realise what I am scared to lose. People that are really special and meaningful to me. Moments I cherish that make me feel magical and free.
So it is important I really love and honour the special and meaningful until it has been and gone. As this too shall pass.
With Love, Renee xx